finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
