You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
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