I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Randomize
