He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
