I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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