Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
she told me i tasted like america
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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