So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
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BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
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Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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