Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
