3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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