I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
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