Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
