i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
