I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Randomize
