what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
