i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
