3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
