Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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