You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
