i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
