why didn't you poke me back
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
He kissed a someone with a penis
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Randomize
