At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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