i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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