so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
