I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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