I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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