Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.