bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
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i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
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idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.