and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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