why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Randomize
