you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
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I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
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She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
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