Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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