Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
