Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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