drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
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