I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
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