i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
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someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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