I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
