I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Gay?
German.
Pity.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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