2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Rumble strips road head = magical
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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