I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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