dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
