i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
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