Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
