I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
