Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
