Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
