Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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