I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
