Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
