Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
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