How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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