i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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