Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
