sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
So here I am, sexting at work.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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