I want to make a zoo with you.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
