you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
