you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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