hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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