I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Randomize
