First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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