She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Randomize
