Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
