you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
