Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
