my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
