That's when you crack a 10am beer
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
There are leaves in my underwear?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
