I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
COCAINE IS GR8
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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