i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
