I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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