So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
