stop calling my apartment porn island.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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