I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
