I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
It's rum buckets o'clock
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
