Pants 0. Shit 1.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Randomize
