there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
