If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Randomize
