The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I think I died a long time ago.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
