I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
