I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
