Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
