I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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