i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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