We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
